I could never fully comprehend about us. It does not make sense to me how through whatever you have done, I could not just let loose.
Its nearly a year we decided to go our seperate ways. But its just been months you came back into my life as a friend. Somehow, we could not just be friends and you know it. I appreciate how every week you would check on me. Yet the rest of the week we were both busy with our own lives.
I did looked for you whenever things fell apart, just like the old time. This time there’s just no sweet lovely comforts. Just warm comforts. Either way, its enough for me.
But then, one time.. There’s this huge massive pile of stress I need to talk off and you’re not there. I understand and expect nothing since you are now just a friend. I cope through it all, I find ways to keep going without clinging on you and the thought “you will always be there for me”. And I’m strong enough to shook the need of having you to share a part of my stressful moments.
And suddenly somehow, on a bright saturday you came to me. Just a few days after I told you I needed to share my problems, yet you ignored me. I was not upset, I was just playing around acting I dont know you. Yet suddenly you flashes your disappointment on me. How should I feel? Last time I needed you and you’re not there I do you a favor to understand you. But anyways as always, your bestfriends who was always there for you, always had the best part of you. You went to party and had fun, laugh the problems away. Forgeting things for the moment.. But then where did you go to throw your dump? Me.
So aren’t we now back to the old times?
However I refuse to be your emotional trash bin its just so hard to choose not to care. I hope one day you will realize and be strong enough to stand on your two own feet. Meanwhile, I wish you the best.
"AT SOME POINT YOU WILL REALIZE THAT YOU’VE DONE TOO MUCH FOR SOMEONE. THAT THE ONLY STEP TO DO IS TO STOP. LEAVE THEM ALONE. WALK AWAY.
ITS NOT LIKE YOU’RE GIVING UP, AND ITS NOT LIKE YOU SHOULDN’T TRY. ITS JUST THAT YOU HAVE TO DRAW THE LINE OF DETERMINATION FROM DESPERATION.”
Its been a long time since the last time I wrote. So I’ve just stumbled upon my other blog, my personal heartbreak blog. Yea I desperately made one because I thought the best way to cope it is through writing it. And I realized one thing..
I used to love someone so deeply than I could have ever imagined.
Love is still indeed a complicated matter I will never comprehend, but somehow reading those letters again reminded me its a blessing in disguise. Its nearly a year over that drowning break up, yet I could still feel what I felt in such a stronger way that I’m actually proud of myself to have went through it all.
For now, I’m finally letting myself go. To love is to be hurt, yet it hurts you in a way that it’ll make you stronger.
I am now ready to love. To love like I have never been hurt :)